Proof Of Life
Sunset at Hurricane Pass Grand Teton National Park (Wyoming, US)
Once Upon A Time this walk was a piece of cake. Though the days were already short, the mandatory 9 am start from the first tram on the last day of the summer season also meant a civilized breakfast - and bragging rights if you arrived at the bar by cocktail hour. In recent years though, time has contracted and space has expanded. A sunset and the moonlight and the intimacy of walking alone in the cozy universe of my headlamp have replaced the beer at the bar. Now the end always seems to come too soon, and with it there's an occasional glimpse of the event horizon of my life - my Hotel California.
I have a lot of memories, but like junk food - or CliffsNotes - these murky, mysterious neural connections were a best-effort summarization of reality and like everything else, subject to aging. I suppose that explains the pictures and the tantalyzing flashes of recall they evoke. When I summon the courage to be brutally self-reflective, I concede that I have no memory of living in the moment. The best parts of life were woven from an ephemeral state of being - not of mind.
Living in the moment is no easier these days. The pursuit of self esteem, success, acceptance, and forgiveness is still hard work, as is maintaining a healthy sense of self-denial. Faith and rules provide life's cruise-control. Why then would some fool leave the door to this cage of copacetic conformity ajar? So we can take a peek outside of course - and maybe do something foolish ...
So do your 50-k day - not for the memories, not for the laurels, not because you deserve it, not because its hard, not because you're out of time - and certainly not "because it's there".
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